


The Tale Of Longing For Sex

by ladywongs



Category: Tokyo Ghoul, Tokyo Ghoul:re
Genre: Canon Universe, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Oral Sex, Romance, Rough Sex, Smut, Touken, kanetou
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-01-21 16:58:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12462024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladywongs/pseuds/ladywongs
Summary: A collection of smutty touken one-shots taking place after chapter 125 — Touka and Kaneki's journey to a whole new world of boobs, tricky bra hooks and sheepish little stares as they start to know each other better in the art of… THE SEX.





	1. Sophrosyne

**Author's Note:**

> HEYAAAA. Okay, as the summary explains, this fic will be a series of one-shots about Touka and Kaneki exploring their sexuality together after their first time in chapter 125. They will grow from sheepish dorks who don’t know where to put it to expert porn stars that will do kinky crap as they grow more confident with each other. All the chapters will be fluff and fun, no angst!
> 
> hopefully this will make you feel a little bit better. I have a couple of chapters planned, but i’ll try to combine these updates with Yes, No, Maybe (my new touken long-fic, GO READ IT!!!) so yup :o i hope i can maintain a nice schedule. If you liked it, reblogs/comments/nicestuff would be very appreciated :’D enjoy!

 

**—o—**

 

Cells having to be assigned.

Empty stomachs begging to be filled.

New clothing for the Aogiri kids.

Human food for the Zero Squad.

The equipment to install the computers and all the electronic devices.

It's too much.

His pathetic existence wanders from one place to another, aimlessly leading his steps through the chilly and lonely hallways of the 24th Ward as his mind thinks, and thinks, and thinks, working way faster than it should, so fast that it's almost painful. So many things to do and so little time to accomplish them. So many things to do for just one person, during a moment Kaneki's only desire is to scream, to look up at the sky and beg for a break that, in his not-so-humble opinion, he deserves.

He hadn't been able to even sit for a moment without being called by someone else in almost a week. Waking up very early in the morning, going back to sleep way too soon. He wasn't even able to see Touka for more than a minute.

Touka.

Kaneki grimaces, feeling extremely guilty. She wasn't angry at him, was she? He had only seen her that morning in a lapse of three seconds until Banjou called him because his presence was required in one of the deepest tunnels. Moving out to the 24th Ward had been very exhaustive, and his lack of timing was starting to become a problem, at least for him. Touka was busy too, taking care of the Aogiri kids and helping Hinami with some stuff, but Kaneki still felt bad for not being able to see her more than he truly wanted. He hadn't been able to… _kiss_  her properly since that first night, or…  _touch_  her, like hold her hand… do all those things he _truly_  wanted to do. His lips were starting to get dry and impatient.

Kaneki sighs, getting lost in his memories with a stupid blush on his face, easily forgetting all his duties and responsibilities. Thinking of Touka-chan had that effect on him, like a powerful medicine ready to erase all discomfort, every nasty pain. His hand travels to his chest, absently caressing the ring hanging around his neck, cheeks burning furiously at the thought that this ring was something that she gave to him, solely to him.

Ah, he really wants to see her again.

Kaneki blinks for a moment, brushing away his corny thoughts to come back to reality. Where was he even going? It was very late, and everyone had gotten to sleep hours ago. Was he heading towards his room, or the meeting room? Kaneki freezes in his place when a silhouette appears in front of him, coming from the opposite hallway and stopping with a gasp, clearly surprised to see him there, getting in the way.

"Oh!" Kaneki shrieks, stepping back for a second and placing a hand on his chest. "T-Touka-chan!"

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't pay attention to the fact that she was there, getting in his way like she always did. For some reason, Touka also looks surprised to see him there. She blinks, hesitating.

"Yo." A small wave of her hand.

Then, comes the silence.

Both stare at each other for long seconds, not exactly knowing what to say. Kaneki admires the pink flush on her cheeks, the awkward and sheepish aura that reverberates around them, building up a tension that keeps growing and growing with every passing second. It was a strange thing, to look at her and immediately remember all the things they did that night, to notice the way that his eyes travel to her lips now and then, his hands sweating and longing for a little more. Looking at her would never be the same again, it would never be like it used to. Not after that night.

And Kaneki had nothing but gratitude for that.

He believes he must look like a happy puppy right now, trying to repress a smile and begging for her to pat his head in approval. Touka hesitates for a moment, parting her lips to say something just when he's trying to do the same.

"What —"

"Where —"

They stop, realizing that they were disrupting each other. Touka breathes out a nervous laugh, smiling softly, and Kaneki looks down with a shaky gasp, scratching the back of his head like a fool. This whole situation makes him feel like a child again.

"S-Sorry," he heaves.

"It's fine. What were you saying?" she asks.

Kaneki looks up, raising his eyebrows.

"O-Oh," he coughs. "Right. Uh, I was… where were you going?"

Touka blinks for a second, her lips frowning in a small "o". Kaneki realizes that his eyes aren't looking at her face anymore, they travel in the cute shape of her lips, the way she sighs to give them a snappy lick in order to keep talking. They now look glossy and rosy and moist and —

"Oh," she sighs, forcing him to look up at her with a jittery heart. "I was just… heading to the kitchen for a coffee."

Kaneki coughs again, forcing a smile and nodding rapidly.

"G-Great!"

Silence.

He looks at her, not really knowing what to say. Touka crosses both arms over her chest, almost as if she's protecting herself from the cold breeze from the tunnels, and the action highly increases the volume of her breasts. Kaneki gives everything in his power to not look down at them.

"You wanna come too?" she suddenly asks, making him twitch.

He nods.

"Y-Yeah! Sure. I want a coffee too."

She nods, looking a bit uncomfortable.

"Okay."

Then she turns around and starts walking, and Kaneki realizes that he should now start following her. He does. Her pace is quick and decisive, she doesn't bother to turn around and make sure he's following her, she keeps on walking and Kaneki hides his hands inside his pockets, looking at her back as they venture into the halls that lead to the tiny room that they transformed into a kitchen.

Kaneki stares.

The sway of her shoulders, the way that her hair flies behind her like a thin curtain as she walks. He stares breathless at the gracious swing of her hips and Kaneki finds himself biting his lower lip, eyes drawing lower and lower each time and the heat burning in his body is consuming him into ashes. Holy God. Will it always be this way? Will he always be condemned to look at her like this? Will he ever be able to look straight into her eyes without drawing his eyes away to land on her breasts, or her sweet lips, or another compelling part of her body?

He looks away, blushing and aching.

Fuck.

**—o—**

The weird silence remains even when they arrive at the kitchen.

Kaneki insists on helping her, she says it's not necessary, that she can do it herself, but Kaneki keeps on insisting because he's not sure if he'll be able to hold on much longer without doing anything but to stare at the curves of her body, imagination flowing like a powerful river inside his head and threatening to destroy everything around him. Touka agrees with a sigh, asking him to wash some cups instead, and Kaneki nods with a huge amount of gratitude pulsing in his being. Great.

Both stand now next to each other. He washes a cup, passes it down to her, she dries it with a dishcloth and takes the coffee bag to pour the coffee into the filter as she waits for the water to boil. He places the cups on the counter, waiting in silence, and when Kaneki realizes that all the cups have been washed and that there's nothing more to do but to wait for the coffee to be ready, his eyes fall again on the curve of her lips and linger in there for long seconds.

Should he…? No. No. It's not really the moment.

Should he say something, then? Like, "how are you?" or… no, ugh. She'd think you're an idiot.

Be casual. Be cool. She gave you a ring, right?

_Y-Yeah…_

Maybe you should just do something about it.

_You think so?_

Put an arm around her shoulders. Caress her hair. Squeeze her b—

_W-Wha—? No! No. This isn't helpful. This isn't —_

"Kaneki," she speaks, suddenly, and he almost feels like jumping in his place. He looks down at her, horrified. She… she didn't hear any of the… wait, what if he said something out loud?

"Y-Yes?" he stammers, face burning in a crimson red.

She gives him a weird look. He realizes that the coffee is ready, both cups are filled over the counter.

"Can you pass me that spoon?"

Spoon. Right.

He looks around for the spoon and finds it lying near a bottle of water. He grabs it, almost slipping out of his fingers and gives it to her. Their hands briefly touch when he does, and Kaneki observes the way they stop for a moment, looking at their hands touching. Ah, she must have felt that too, right? Touka looks up at him, strands of his white hair have fallen over his eyes, swept all across his forehead. There's something lingering in his stare, something she suspects she has in her own too. He's got that lip pinched between his teeth, waiting for something, staring at her entire face and making her go crazy with nerves: her eyes, the tip of her nose, the blush on her cheeks, the tiny wrinkles in between her brows, the curve of her lips, like if he's looking out for something, a treasure hidden in her features.

There's a thin slice of air that escapes through her front teeth as she retrieves her hand, almost dropping the spoon too, and quickly looking down at the cup of coffee.  _Concentrate,_  she thinks.  _Concentrate._

Touka stirs the spoon way too fast and roughly that some coffee spills out of the cup and into the counter, making a mess. She blinks, grabbing the cup and slightly turning around to face Kaneki and give it to him.

"Here's your c — "

But his lips are moving before she can stop them.

They crash against her mouth, cold hands traveling towards her cheeks to hold her face real tight, real close, pushing her towards him and then he starts walking, forcing her to blindly step back a couple times and realizing that she just dropped the cup to the floor. She can hear it crashing into pieces, the coffee probably messing up the floor too, but her eyes are closed when Kaneki pushes her back against the nearest wall, kissing her fervently and passionately.

She returns the kiss, angry as he is, holding his wrists and then sinking her fingers on his shirt and for a moment she remembers they're in the kitchen, that even if everyone is sleeping, there's always someone awake at this hour patrolling the ward and making sure everyone is safe. Touka pushes his chest for a moment, the wet sound of their kiss ending sends shivers down her spine. However, Kaneki takes this opportunity to kiss her jaw, and slide his tongue down her neck, and Touka finds herself moaning his name in surrender.

"K-Kaneki," she gasps, opening her eyes to peer down to the floor. The cup is broken. "The c-coffee…"

His lips travel the way back to her lips to capture them in a searing kiss, taking her lower lip and sucking it softly. God. It felt so good, how could he have let passed a week without doing this? He wants to punch himself in the face for that. Stupid, stupid boy.

"Later," he whispers, and the flick of his tongue against her lips is what makes her lose entirely in the moment.

Her eyelids flutter shut again, catching glimpses of his white hair before flickering back to darkness and then her hands are smoothing it back, leaving his forehead uncovered. He sighs against her mouth, she can feel the desperation and the way that his eyebrows frown in concentration as his hands travel all the way down to her hips, trying to push her a little closer. A part of her can't believe that all of this is happening, that he's  _kissing_  her, touching her, showing her how much he needs her, how much he missed her touch, the taste of her lips, the searing fire that burns every time they touch each other.

Kaneki cups her face in his hands one more time, they're getting noisier as the seconds go by, the sound of their gasps filling the air and the quiet little moans she delivers and the messy rusting of their clothes getting in the way. She bites his lower lip, he flicks his tongue inside of her one more time, and then his hands find themselves descending all the way down to gently cup her breasts. Touka gasps, they break the kiss for a moment, both allowing themselves some time to retrieve the breath that was lost. They rest their foreheads together and Touka looks up at him, blushing and shivering.

Her eyes.

Kaneki sighs. They're mesmerizing.

He's panting so hard that he thinks he's about to faint, his mind feels like a haze. His eyes look down sheepishly at his hands on her breasts, like a kid who's been caught up doing something dangerous; and Touka does the same thing. She's breathing faster than ever as her eyes travel from his hands to his face. He's waiting, waiting for her words.

Touka believes that she's forgotten how to form them.

"C-Can…" she breathes, desperate. "Can w-we — "

He nods quickly, crashing his lips against her mouth one more time and giving her breasts a gentle squeeze.

**—o—**

Touka's cell welcomes their presence once they arrive, and so does her bed.

It's way larger and comfortable than the one he has in his room — a little favor he asked to Tsukiyama-san, to give her the most comfortable bed they could find — and way better than the cold floor they shared a week ago. For a moment, Kaneki feels nervous again, just like that first time. His hands are sweating, his heart is about to suffer an attack and his mind is working way too fast, but he reassures himself with the way that Touka gets rid of her shirt in the blink of an eye, desperately throwing it to the ground to catch his face in her hands and pull him down for another kiss. It makes him laugh a little, these ways that she has of flicking a switch and grow bolder in a matter of seconds, become hasty and greedy for his touch. It helps him relax, and suddenly his hands aren't sweating that much anymore.

And they have time. At least tonight, they have time.

Kaneki starts by covering every inch of her body.

He takes this opportunity that has to do all the things he couldn't do the first time they slept together. She's nervous, he can see it, because the lights in the cell are on and there's no darkness around them to cover her body from his eyes, to hide her from a mouth that craves her skin more than he craves for human flesh. Her bones quiver when he lays her down on the mattress and gets rid of her thin tights, rolling them all the way down her legs as his lips kiss the skin that is slowly revealed. Her breath hitches when he does it gently, taking his time, kissing her knee and staring at the way she pants, hair spread in all directions and hands resting at each side of her head, looking at him with attentive eyes, ready for each next movement.

Kaneki gets rid of her black tights and delves his tongue into the curve of her leg, going all the way up to kiss her belly. She twitches, blurting out a sigh, breaths rushing out of her lungs in hoarse whimpers. Still, Kaneki takes his time. His lips are patient and gentle, they smooth the skin of her chest, squeezing her breast one more time before flicking the tip of his tongue on her nipple, nipping at it until she moans. He then realizes how responsive her body is, like playing an instrument. It was something he'd learned when he was a child, when he would act in school plays and have the chance to play some instruments in backstage, while practicing his role. He could perfectly remember what one of his teachers told him about guitars, and how the sound can totally variate from the way you would play the strings. If you were too harsh, the sound would be intense as a summer storm, like the burning roar of a dragon. If you played it gently, it would be like the sweet flutter of a birdie — Touka's body seems to be based on the same theory.

Each spot had its own sound, its own music. Her breasts were prone to release sweet and heartwarming gasps, it would make her squeeze the sheets with her fingers and bit her lower lip with ease. Her neck made her scratch his back until it burned, it would make her say his name right into his ear. To kiss her belly made her twitch and squirm in her place, like sliding an ice cube through all of her skin.

Kaneki was more than willing to learn the music of her body.

And there was only one place left to learn.

Kaneki places open-mouthed kisses in every extension of her body, traveling until his teeth reach a place that should increase his nervousness, but it does quite the opposite. It makes him eager, hungrier, anxious as the scent of her arousal hits him real hard. He slides her thin and soaked underwear down her legs and smiles softly at the way Touka raises one leg to poke at his nose with her foot. She laughs at the way he tries to dodge her foot, but her smile disappears when he grabs it and kisses her ankle, so sweetly that it makes her grow quiet.

He's so beautiful.

The sudden silence annoys the darkest parts of his soul, so he drags his tongue down, down, down, until it reaches her cunt in one languid stroke that makes her scream the sweetest of symphonies.

He  _wants_  her to scream, and he's ready to learn how to make her do it.

Kaneki only moves his tongue guided by his instinct. He doesn't need books for this, even if he has read many, he only needs her taste and the growing hunger inside of him to make her sing for him. And she does. She moans his name, trying to cover her mouth but it's pointless, everything's such a chaos: the way he giggles against her clit as he opens her lips wider to suck on it, just in the way she needs it, just to make her suffocate.

"K-Kaneki — !"

"Shhh," he hushes before sucking on her clit again, firmly this time, making her moan even louder.

She mewls in frustration, and it takes everything in her power to stay calm and keep her voice down, she knows she can't be that noisy at this hour of the night, but a part of him wants her to be, a part of him wants her to scream so loudly for him so that everyone inside that place will know that she's his, that it's  _his_  name the one coming out from her lips, no one else's.

Touka buries her face under the crook of her elbow, her body spasms when he gives one lick, and another, and grinds his tongue over her clit and Touka feels like she's losing it. She's losing it completely. His fingers trace the pink color of her slit, feeling her hips move upwards to encourage him to touch her harder, and suddenly he's pushing one finger inside of her. Then two.

She's so close, so close, so close, and she begs him. Please, _please_ , when his lips suck on her clit again and his fingers curl upwards and she feels that she's coming, she keeps on begging, please,  _right there_ , moaning against the back of her hand and moistening it with her own saliva when he suddenly stops.

She blinks, confused, when she can no longer feel the flat of his tongue on her clit, his long fingers doing magic on her cunt. He pulls away, leaving her groaning in frustration. Touka is on the verge of tears.

"I hate you," she breathes, squirming in her place and trying to rub her legs together to seek some relief.

Kaneki smiles, his hair falling on his face and hiding his gaze from her, the sight of it making her grow wetter with each passing second. He looks so good, the muscle of his shoulders contracting when he leans down to kiss her stomach, ascending little by little.

"Why?" he asks, grazing his teeth on her chest and capturing her nipple in his mouth to suck at it repeatedly.

God, he could do this forever.

He finally arrives at her lips, feeling her arms being wrapped around his neck entirely, pulling him closer. She feels his hand going down to touch her between her legs again. He traces slow and steady circles on her clit, and Touka moves her hips to match his pace, gripping frantically at his hair as she breaks the kiss to moan with her mouth wide open, stretching her neck back and groaning out a "fuck" when he slips two fingers inside of her again and curls them so good, so right, that she moans again and Kaneki can't help it, he does it again, just to torture her, just to hear her whimpering again.

"K-Kane… K-Ka…"

She can't even speak.

"What do you want?" he asks, searching for her mouth again, but she's unable to kiss him properly with all those little moans coming out from her lips. He's growing so hard by the sound of her voice and she doesn't respond, so he grinds his palm on her clit, curling his fingers again.

"F-Fuck," she groans, grabbing his face to kiss him, speaking and moaning against his lips. "I want you."

He moans back, satisfied with what he's done.

"I want you too," he whispers on her lips, and moans into her mouth as he pushes down the fabric of his boxers and her hands help him slip inside of her. It's so easy, the way she welcomes him inside of her. So easy, and wet, and warm, the way he starts moving. Slowly, he rocks back and forth, never leaving her eyes, melting in the way she bites her lip, repressing a whimper, and brows furrowing in concentration as both get completely lost in each other. It doesn't hurt as much as the first time, and it only takes a couple of gentle thrusts for Touka to feel ready for more. It's so much easy, and way more pleasurable, so much better than the first time they did this. It makes him go harder, filling her up in every way, whining against her jaw every time he plunges into her.

Kaneki's hands travel to her waist and down, down, down, until he grabs her butt, lifting them off the bed and pushing her leg up higher, her thigh resting on his shoulder and feeling himself go way deeper this time. Touka tightens, squeezing him to madness, trying to refrain from moaning loudly. She bites her hand, sobbing against her skin until he pulls it away and pins it to the mattress beside her head, forcing her sobs to become louder when his hips start going faster. He groans at the wet sounds of their skins slapping together, the way that her expression changes, mouth going wider and Kaneki sinks a hand down to rub her clit, rapidly and furiously until she hides her face in his neck and hides a scream on his skin.

She's coming before she even realizes, and Kaneki picks up his rhythm to search for his own release. His elbows rest on each side of her head and he kisses her, bucking his hips over and over again before a hot thickness spills out from him and fills her up. Touka holds on onto him, shivering as he moans against her neck and keeps moving his hips a little more, trying to stretch out his orgasm as much as he can. He whimpers her name, growing tired and appalled.

Touka sighs, closing her eyes with a stupid grin on her lips. She squeezes his body against her, his firm back that is sticky with sweat. The feeling of his tongue on her neck makes her open her eyes, he travels his lips to her chest, placing lazy and sloppy kisses on her breasts. He takes a bud into his mouth and Touka blurts out a noise that is a mix of a gasp and a giggle — a new sound he discovers from her body — because even if both already climaxed, he still doesn't seem to have enough. She can't blame him, though. A week went by where she didn't even see him, and she knows there will be more weeks like that to come; so nights like these are so precious, so sacred, that she holds on desperately to whatever she can get from him, no matter how tired she is.

He stops, though. When he has enough of it, he pulls out of her and the weight of his body against her keeps her warm and safe. He rests his cheek on her chest, sighing and closing his eyes with a stupid smile. God, that felt so good.

He can't wait to do it again. And again, and again, and —

"I wanna do this every day for the rest of my life," he breathes, not really realizing he's just said that out loud.

However, Touka laughs. She chuckles tiredly and loudly, making his smile grow wider until he's laughing with her, their bodies shaking together with each little puffs. Kaneki nuzzles his face into her chest, kissing it again, and Touka's fingers slide through his sticky hair. They sigh together, enjoying the silence, enjoying the music of her heart as it pounds madly in his ear. He listens carefully, smiling at the sound.

"Your heart is beating so fast," he whispers, surprised as a child.

She touches his forehead, caressing the skin with her fingertips.

"It's your fault," she responds, and then grabs his face, forcing him to look at her. "Kaneki."

He meets her gaze, dwells in the way she tries to kiss him again, pulling him closer and delving her tongue into his mouth again. He gasps, resting his elbows on the mattress as he kisses her back, and feels her leg wrapping around his back again, her hips slowly rising up to meet him.

Kaneki breaks the kiss with a faint whimper.

"T-Touka-chan," he stammers, already growing hard again. "Are you su — "

"Yes," she whispers, bringing her lips to his face, leading them to his ear as her arms enclose his body in a firm embrace. "Please. I want you."

He nods, kissing her again.

She's so sensitive when he enters again, and during the next few hours, her body sings for him in so many different ways. A song that his heart will forever try to hold on to.

It cries out for him, and for her, it will never stop.

 


	2. Querencia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! first of all, I REALLY wanna thank everyone who reblogged/commented the first chapter (300 reblogs on tumblr, woah! i seriously have no words, thank you so much (also to the people who reached out to me a few days ago when i was feeling a bit down.. *hugs the people*).
> 
> This chapter is kinda funny because I had a different prompt for this one? but when i started writing it, i don't know what happened in my head that i wrote something completely different, when i was done and checked out the file to remember the title of the chapter, i realized that the summary for this chapter was another one! (?) i don't know how that happened haha, i guess i’ll have to write it for the next one. ANYWAY enough talking, i hope you all enjoy this chapter! and if you liked it, please reblog/comment/any kind of feedback is more than appreciated :’)

* * *

 

The first time Kaneki holds her hand in public, Banjou is there to see it.

There was always a sense of quietness lingering around whenever he would take her hand, most of the time not warning her about it, not preparing her for a touch that makes her whole body twitch and her skin freeze and burn and scream, all at the same time.

But still, this quiet is different, this quiet is piercing. It's vacant like a supernova, thousands of molecules colliding in a noiseless explosion that consumes every sound raising breaking in, every nasty stare, every ugly pain. Whenever Kaneki holds her hand, an explosion happens and everything is quiet.

But  _still_ , this quiet is different.

She was reading her comic books, focusing her mind on things that didn't have anything to do with doves, lack of food and missing an old home. She was wrapped in a comfy blanket, lying on a broken couch with Kaneki by her side reading some papers and discussing them with Banjou, who had arrived minutes ago to report some issues to him. Touka was clearly not listening to anything that they were saying but she could feel Kaneki's stress coming out from his lips with each word, every heavy sigh, every small view that she'd get from him rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hand, trying to stay awake and pay attention to Banjou's words.

Then, out of the blue, she felt it.

That supernova.

Her first reaction was to twitch in her place, taut eyes traveling towards his fingers reaching out for her hand to grasp it in a firm grip. As weeks went by, Touka realized that Kaneki would usually hold her hand when he was nervous, or stressed, or very happy. Touching her hand would bring him relief, it would erase his anxiety, it would make him speak louder, clearer, stronger. Touka couldn't hear any sound around her, but she knew that Kaneki was still speaking, still grabbing her hand and holding the papers with the other, reading the lines out loud.

Banjou's reaction was as immediate as hers. He gasped, blinking repeatedly, lips parted and eyes frantically traveling towards their hands, Kaneki's face, then Touka's, who also stared back at him with sweat boiling by the heat of her cheeks. It had only been three weeks since they arrived at the Ward and only a few people in there seemed to realize the drastic change of their new relationship; apparently, Banjou was still clueless.

Touka looked away, feeling the grip of Kaneki's hand increase and the sweet touch of his thumb drawing patterns on her skin. She kept her eyes on the comic, unable to read anything at all, unable to hear any kind of human sound even when Kaneki's lips were still moving. For a moment she thought about withdrawing her hand but Kaneki's grip was real,  _real_  strong, and the nature of his touch made her realize that he didn't want her to pull away.

She never knows what to do when he gets like this.

"Did you told Nishiki about this?"

Banjou looked away from their hands almost immediately, landing his nervous eyes on his king.

"H-Huh?" he babbled, frowning in confusion. "O-Oh, yes, yes I did, I… uh, told him everything."

Kaneki nodded, smiling softly but tiredly, acting as if nothing in the scene was out of place.

"Oh, nice. Well, I think we should — "

The King keeps on talking.

His hand is still holding hers.

Touka's eyes fall on the grasp.

Her lips twitch in a coy smirk.

**—o—**

Touka makes a promise to herself that as soon as they get some privacy, she'll make a move to ask him the why. The real why. Why did he hold her hand that way in front of Banjou? Why didn't he hesitate? Did that mean that he would now tell everyone about it? Did that mean that he would now kiss her in front of other people, take her hand again in the middle of a big crowd filled with praises towards him, stop sneaking out at night to go to her room and actually visit her there during the day, exposing his true intentions in front of the entire world?

Two days later, she gets her chance.

Night falls.

The world is sleeping, yet they're still awake in her room, lying on her bed. He's reading a book, she's finishing the final chapter of one of her mangas, resting her cheek on his shoulder and grazing one leg on his waist, feeling Kaneki's fingers absently stroke the skin of her knee from time to time, way too consumed by his reading.

They say nothing at all, and Touka realizes that she's learned to appreciate moments like this. Silences like this. In the past, all of their silences were suffocating, forcing them to shallow words that they were too scared to speak, eyes that wouldn't hold a gaze for more than three seconds because it could betray their true intentions, break that wall that both managed to build up in between to protect themselves from their feelings. But now is different.  _This_ silence is different. They're sharing it, owning it, it belongs solely to them. Now, when he looks at her, his gaze doesn't vanish in a matter of seconds. He holds it as if it's the last time he will look at her face.

Maybe that's the reason for why he held her hand before? Because his gaze doesn't vanish, and their silences are something they cherish, because the wall isn't there anymore… was that the real why?

Suddenly the words escape her.

"Kaneki."

He keeps his gaze on his book.

"Yes?"

"Why did you held my hand in front of Banjou the other day?"

Kaneki turns his head around, looking at her. Blinks twice.

"Huh?"

Touka sighs out of her nostrils, closing her manga to put it aside and turn around completely, resting her hands underneath her cheek and getting a full view of his confused face. She's not scared of asking, in fact, she's curious. Very curious.

"The other day," she repeats, explaining herself. "When Banjou and you were talking, and I was there. You grabbed my hand in front of him. Why?"

Kaneki frowns, looking away for a moment as his lips curve into a weird smile. He clearly thinks she's talking nonsense. His eyes go back to her again, giggling a little.

"H-Huh, well… it's not the first time I hold your hand."

Touka rolls her eyes. He's not getting it.

"No, but," she shifts around a little, head popping out on one hand as she gets a clear view of his face. "I mean, in front of others. It's the first time you hold my hand in front of other people."

Kaneki's eyes blink so slow, raising his brows.

"Does it bother you?"

Touka cringes at his tone. She inhales, exhales, and turns away to face the ceiling, gazing away.

"N-No, I mean — It's just — well, I wasn't expecting you to do that. We really don't… do those things in front of others."

Kaneki laughs a little. She can sense a tint of nervousness within him.

"O-Oh, well, but… people who are, uh… together, they do those things, right? Holding hands, things like that. I mean… it's completely normal, right? Since you're now my, uh… girlfriend."

Oh God.

He said it.

He - fucking - said - it.

_Girlfriend._

G-i-r-l-f-r-i-e-n-d.

Touka is about to pass out from embarrassment. She whines, closing her eyes and covering her entire face with her hands. The skin of her cheeks burns against her palms. Her body quivers as the word  _girlfriend_  resonates within her, throbbing at the rhythm of her heart.

Ba-dump (girlfriend). Ba-dump (girlfriend!). Ba-dump (you're his girlfriend!).

"Fuck," she moans, her voice blocked by her hands as she hears Kaneki's confused laughter.

"What is it?"

Touka turns around, giving him her back and burying her face in the pillow.

"Nothing, shut up, keep reading the book."

As usual, Kaneki never does as she says. He closes the book, not caring about adding a bookmark to save the chapter as he throws the book to the ground and turns around to tug at Touka's shoulder, trying to make her turn around again.

"Touka-chan, what's — "

"Nothing!"

He laughs again.

"A-Are you blushing?"

"I'm not!"

Kaneki giggles again, grabbing her hands and trying to pull them away from her face. Her cheeks are red as blood, and she's frowning and forcing her eyes shut and trying to pull her wrists free, but he holds her tighter.

"I can't believe you're blushing," he teases, heart growing warmer. "You're so cute."

Touka feels the urge to punch him in the face  _and_  kiss him, all at the same time. She groans instead, giving up when her face is finally revealed before his eyes. Kaneki's smile is tender, so tender that it hurts, and the fact that she's the  _girlfriend_ of this guy,  _girlfriend_ … she can't process the words.

"Stop, idiot."

He keeps holding her wrists, still amazed.

"But why?" he insists, and this time he's not teasing anymore. "Does it really bother you that I hold your h — "

Touka groans, frustrated, and slightly punches his arm in annoyance.

"It doesn't bother me, asshole. It's not… that," she complains, biting her lip and looking at everything but his eyes. "It's just… I don't know. I wasn't expecting you to do that, I thought that you maybe wanted to keep this as a secret for a while, or something, I don't know."

Kaneki frowns, he still doesn't get it.

"Why would I want to keep it as a secret?" he asks, wrinkling his face in a way that makes her grin even when she's holding back. "I-I mean… when you are happy, you just want to show it, right?"

Touka's eyes look up at him, shimmering by his words.

_When you are happy, you just want to show it, right?_

Happy.

For a moment, Touka forgets about her embarrassment.

"Are you happy?" she genuinely asks.

Kaneki blinks a couple times, a little bewildered, but nods, smiling with tender excitement.

"I am."

It only takes three seconds to forget about his corny choice of words, relishing in the true meaning behind them. The fact that he was happy,  _happy_ , after everything he went through; happy, just to be her boyfriend. And Touka wouldn't lie to herself, or to him. She was tremendously happy to be his girlfriend too.

_When you are happy, you just want to show it, right?_

Totally right.

And she was going to.

The space between them vanishes away when she leans closer to press their lips together. Kaneki gasps, surprised by her sudden emotion, and gives a little and embarrassing shriek when Touka pushes his chest to lay him down on the bed as she straddles him, holding his face and suckling at his lower lip. He gasps,  _again_ , with both hands at each side of his head, not really knowing what to do with them, and eyes wide open as Touka kisses him passionately.

"U-Uh," he babbles against her lips. "T-Touka-chan…"

"Shut up," she sighs when her tongue meets his, when his hands are slowly filled with courage and shyly rest on her tights, trying to deepen the kiss as much as he can, but Touka is always a little impatient. She leans back and sits on his stomach, grabbing the edges of his sweater around his neck to pull him towards her, forcing him to sit down on the bed.

"A-Ah!" he whines from the pressure, she's almost choking him. "T-Tou — "

"Stop whining like a baby and kiss me already!" she complains, holding the edges of his black sweater to take it off, but it gets stuck in his head.

"I-I'm trying!" he makes weird noises as she struggles with the sweater, and after applying a bit of unnecessary force, she manages to get rid of the stupid clothing and throws it on the floor with an annoyed sigh. However, Kaneki's ears and nose look all red and swollen, so she leans real close to give his lips the most searing of kisses, leaving him starving and clothed in madness.

His eyes fall shut with a sigh when she kisses his chin, outlining the shape of his jaw with her tongue until she reaches out his earlobe and bites it softly. By that time, she can already sense his impatience. The way his gasps become frantic and irregular, the way his hands travel from her legs to her hips to her butt, giving it a soft squeeze, and then his fingers try to catch the edges of her — well, actually  _his_  — sweater to take it off completely. He does, leaving her in a thin white shirt, and her anticipation only heightens when she can already feel his hardened bulge stroking her, the sweet wave of his hips rocking back and forth to increase the friction.

She responds with a soft moan on his lips, a slow stroke of her hips, and after thinking about it for a second, she places her hands against his bare chest and pushes him down to the bed again, hair falling over her face and hiding her expression from him. Kaneki reaches out his hand to push her hair away, gasping furiously. Touka gives him one last kiss, one last stroke of her sweet tongue against his mouth when she starts spreading kisses all across his neck, slinking lower and lower until she delivers one languid stroke on his nipple and smiles when he blurts out a noise that sounds like a giggle and a moan.

So ticklish.

She spreads open-mouthed kisses on his chest, and lower, to his belly, feeling it twitch and shudder with every touch of her lips, every ticklish breath she releases against his skin, the way her hair falls on his stomach and Kaneki has to bit his lip to not laugh at the feeling, almost like feathers caressing his entire body. Fuck.

By the time she reaches out his pants, she realizes what she's about to do. What she  _wants_  to do. And her hands don't hesitate when Touka starts to undo his belt buckle and hears him gasp in surprise when her fingers push down his slacks. Kaneki bites his lip, feeling extremely weird as he tries to sit up but Touka's hand pushes him down abruptly.

"T-Touka-ch — "

"Don't move! You're ruining it."

Kaneki doesn't have another choice but to look at the ceiling, breathing furiously.

"O-Okay."

When Touka releases his throbbing cock, she realizes that this is the first time she's doing something like… this. She swallows, trying to remember the things she's not supposed to do. Try to not use your teeth, try to not grasp him  _that_ hard, try to be gentle until he asks for more… just… don't fuck things up.

Yes. Be cool. It's not a big deal.

You got this. You _totally_ got this.

Kaneki is about to complain, to part his lips and protest that it's not really  _that_ necessary to do this if she doesn't want to, that even himself doesn't know exactly how to feel about th —

All his words and stupid thoughts are stolen when Touka slides her tongue on his shaft, following the path until she reaches the tip, where her lips decide to curl around and take him in a deep suck that takes his breath away. Kaneki doesn't even know if he should moan or gasp or curse or what, he closes his eyes, frowning deeply as his teeth sink into his lip so hard that it bleeds. Shit, shit, shit, shit! Fuck! An inhumane groan escapes from his throat when her tongue draws circles on his tip, when she starts bobbing up and down and he can hear the slick sounds coming from her mouth when she sucks him in again and he disappears into her lips once more.

"O-Oh my…" both hands travel to his face, hiding it as he releases the deepest moan he's ever had. "F-Fuck."

Touka can help but laugh a little at his unusual choice of words, he  _never_ curses, but the fact that he's doing it encourages her to keep going. His hands clench the sheets with desperate need, unable to contain himself as he slightly buckles his hips forward, the slick sounds becoming noisier each time she opens her mouth to let him in. It's so wet, and warm, and it gets even better when his eyes fall over her, desperately wanting to run his fingers through her hair, to tug at it, to set the pace and do it for her.

Touka moans when his hips buck a little harder, and the sounds he's making convinces her that she could do this every day for the rest of her life. He's warm inside her mouth, a little salty at the touch of her tongue, way better than any human food she's ever tried before. She drags her nails down along his abdomen just to feel him shudder, then, she gives his balls a light squeeze.

"A-Ah! J-Just…" he swallows again, unable to speak properly. "J-Just… Ahh, do that agai — "

She doesn't even let him finish when she's doing that again, and again, and Kaneki chokes at the feeling that he's definitely not going to last much longer if she keeps doing it like this. She's got him crazy.

"T-Touka…" he moans as his hands get lost in her hair, pushing it backward and biting his lip at the sight of her mouth sucking at his tip, her hand stroking his shaft repeatedly. "I-I-I'm so c-close…"

He catches a wry smile on her face as her eyes give him a mischievous look, his pre-cum already staining her lips in his essence.

"I know you are," she whispers in a low and raspy tone that makes him go even harder.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He's gonna come right now. Right  _fucking_  now. He's gonna —

She gives one long stroke from the base to the tip, following the path of a vein, then she takes him again, swirling her tongue around him, getting him all nice and wet and harder than ever.

"G-God, Touka…" he tugs at her hair, pushing her head a little closer to his cock. "J-Just a bit more…"

She was so good at this.

"More?" he hears her say, although he's not sure.

However, he gives a response.

"P-Please — !"

He feels himself go far too deep, her throat squeezing him so right, so  _good_ , moaning her name like a madman and sighing a few  _yes, y-yes, just like that, j-just a bit more, I'm so close…_  that forces Touka to repress a laughter that could ruin everything when Kaneki whines one last time, the grip of his hands on her head becoming rougher as his hips start bucking up in response.

"F-F-Fu — Ahh!"

She sucks harder, pumping firmly, and his mouth is wide open when he releases into her. His body erupts in a wave of pleasure as he listens to her quiet moans and suddenly realizes that he's coming inside of her. Inside. He didn't even realize until now. He lazily opens his eyes, swallowing his groans to look at her and warn her.

"T-Tou — O-Oh God…"

She almost wants to slap him for being so noisy. His cum crashes into her mouth, warm and salty, and she makes sure to swallow every drop of it. Kaneki's body slowly stops convulsing, hips jerking occasionally as slight traces of probably the biggest orgasm he's ever had still curse through his entire body. She licks him clean until there's no trace of his essence on him, and wipes out the corners of her mouth to get rid of the excess, then, she licks her fingers. All of that while looking at him in the eyes.

God.

He can't even… shit. Is she even real?

Touka spreads some kisses on his chest, going all the way up until her mouth reaches his and her elbows are resting on each side of his head. Kaneki feels her smile against his lips, her hair on his face forcing him to close his eyes until she pulls away a little, smiling at him as if something extraordinary just happened and she can't wait to tell him the news.

Kaneki still has a hard time catching his breath, yet, he manages to speak.

"T-That…" he swallows, sweating and shivering like a pig. "That was…"

Touka smiles brightly. The look on her face, with her shiny eyes and swollen lips, strands of hair sticking in her mouth… he almost feels himself going hard again just by the sight. Kaneki reaches out a hand to push her hair back.

"Why… " he licks his lips. "W-Why did you — "

She disrupts him by leaning a little closer to his mouth.

"When you're happy, you just want to show it, right?"

Kaneki chuckles when her lips attack him again.


	3. Apodyopsis

* * *

 

 

There are only three things in life that Touka knows, without a doubt, she won't be able to get used to.

_One._

The way Kaneki speaks her name. _Touka-chan_. Sometimes it comes as a whisper. Sometimes, it takes the shape of a moan. It laughs, groans, hisses and stutters in his mouth, and it reaches out to her when the words are spoken on her skin, when he murmurs her name on her lips, it reverberates throughout her body to the point where her flesh begins to fail her. She'd never stopped herself for a moment to considerate the beauty in her name—if there was any beauty at all—but Kaneki makes her believe that it does, that there _is_  a certain beauty in it that she can't quite perceive yet, but it comes alive whenever he decides to speak, and Touka suddenly realizes that it's not just her name what sounds beautiful now. But everything else.

_Two._

When Kaneki kisses her. It starts as a chaste, gentle peak, but it's always him the one who quickly decides to double the bet. For someone who she believes is quite new at kissing, just as she is, he becomes an expert in a matter of days. It's as if his lips were meant for this, as if he was born just to kiss her. She can't get used to the way she always finds his eyes on her lips, even from a generous distance, they're always chasing them, even when they talk, when she speaks words that are too dangerous for others to hear, words about the CCG, and ghouls, and death, and sorrow… he listens, he always listens, but his eyes travel to her lips now and then, unable to contain himself, and kisses her when Touka's words start sounding shaky and fragile.

_Three._

The way he looks after taking a shower.

Touka suddenly realizes that the only three things she's unable to get used to are related to Kaneki. In fact, everything that happened in the past couple years is a consequence of his presence in her life, the impact he always had on her, the way he makes her question everything around her, even herself. In any case, she can't regret the feeling when her presence in that large, broken bathroom from the 24th Ward is also a consequence of the drastic change that their relationship had suffered weeks ago. It's almost hard to believe when Touka feels that it's been longer than that; that _weeks_  don't make any justice to the familiarity with which they've been started to treat each other, how flustered cheeks seem less frequent and boldness leads the way they touch, the way they speak, the way they stare at each other. It almost… _almost_  feels as if they are married, but Touka quickly shoves that thought away when her cheeks burn and her heart gives a little tug. _Hey, not too fast, you little shit._

Kaneki walks out of the shower with a towel around his hips when Touka is filing her nails, sitting on the sink. Steam puffs out of his skin as he approaches slowly and stands in front of the other sink next to her, rubbing his damp hair with another towel as he speaks. He's been talking for quite some time already, mentioning things Touka can't seem to recall but they're always related to the same boring crap: CCG, lack of food, something about an expedition and a brief mention to the Great Wheel.

Touka continues to file her nails, releasing a soft sigh.

"Just ask Shitty-yama to do it for you, since he's your most _beloved_  and _faithful_  servant. He would lick the floor if you ask," she says, prompting a guilty giggle out of him.

"Don't be mean," he simply replies, and continues to dry his hair with the towel in front of the broken mirror.

However, Touka's eyes rapidly drift away from her nails when they land on him. She's not ashamed to _stare_ , and given the new formality of their relationship, there's nothing to be ashamed about. The muscles of his arms tense when he lifts them up to rub the towel on his hair, the one that gently falls on his eyes and sticks to his forehead, a sight that makes her swallow hard. He likes to take really hot showers, unlike her, who prefers them a little cold. He says hot water helps his muscles unwind, release the throbbing tension of his neck. She can spot the drops trailing over the redness of his shoulders, his chest, the tip of his nose, his hair falls heavy in all directions once he gets rid of the towel and sprays some deodorant all over his body. In silence, Touka bites her lower lip with a faint sigh.

"Are you, uh, free today?" Kaneki suddenly asks as he brushes his hair with a broken comb.

Touka keeps filing her nails, raising a brow.

"What's with the sudden interest? I should be the one asking that question. I barely ever see you anymore since you're so busy," she replies.

Kaneki grimaces in front of the mirror, grabbing some lotion and spreading it on his jaw.

"Ah, y-yeah, about that — "

"I only see you for a minute, when you go to get some coffee and it happens that I'm there too," she complains, not looking at him. "It's like you don't even care about passing by my cell anymore to see how I'm doing."

Her words come off in a tone that makes him realize she's not talking seriously, still, the slight reality behind them grows a strong sense of culpability within him. He's been working a lot, his eye-bags are the proof.

Kaneki sighs, trying to find some sort of stupid excuse.

"I really — "

"We haven't had sex in a week."

Touka speaks so casually about it that Kaneki blurts out a gasp, and the lotion clumsily slips off of his hands and falls onto the ground, the plastic making a boisterous sound that echoes throughout the bathroom. Kaneki gives her a quick look before bending down to grab the lotion, and as soon as he looks up, ready to get up, Touka is pointing out the sharp tip of the nail file against his neck. There's a spark of darkness within her eyes that rapidly makes him forget about his own clumsiness. She has her eyes on him, and there's a brief silence before she decides to speak, still pointing the nail file on his neck as he slowly tries to get up, eyes not leaving her.

"Maybe I'm gonna have to give you a small punishment, for ignoring me the entire week," she whispers slowly.

Then, she sees it. As Kaneki slowly rises up from the ground, as the sharp file on his neck prevents him from moving, she sees that _thing_  within his eyes that Touka is still trying to find a name for. It's as if the natural color of his eyes fades away, and something darker decides to take place inside. Like an ordinary mortal being possessed by a spirit, a nameless corruption, something she's seen many times in the mangas she's been reading lately. And it only happens with her. When both are alone, really, _really_  alone, and there's no one around. It's as if Kaneki suddenly decides to get rid of his shame, to rip off his embarrassment out of his skin.

She can feel the tension in the air. Touka's eyes follow his once he's standing again, looking taller than her.

Kaneki swallows.

"Is that how you speak to a _King_?"

Her heart gives an instant jerk. He's following.

Touka's lips slightly twitch.

"Is _Your Majesty_  offended?" she mocks.

He doesn't seem to find the strength to answer. Instead, Touka swallows when she feels the palm of his hand on her knee, softly sliding up her skirt to reach her thigh. Their eyes don't leave each other, and just when Touka is about to throw her nail file to the ground and —

"KANEKI-KUN!"

— Tsukiyama's voice ruins the entire mood.

Kaneki jumps out of his place, Touka simply turns her eyes to the door in annoyance. Tsukiyama is outside, not daring to come in, but still screaming his name like a madman.

"MY KING!" he repeats. "Are you done with your bath? Your presence is required in the — "

Kaneki gives an exasperated sigh, now a few steps away from Touka.

" _Y-Yes_ , Tsukiyama. I'm… I'm com — "

"Please hurry! I'll be waiting for you right here!"

Great.

Kaneki groans, and the pink shade is back again on his cheeks. He slightly turns around to look at Touka.

"W-We — "

She rolls her eyes, jumping out of the sink and pushing his back towards the door.

"Go already."

He tries to turn around.

"B-But — "

"I said leave!" she yells, growing angry.

She pushes him towards the exit, Tsukiyama standing against the wall and fixing his bangs with his fingertips. He looks at her when she appears, coming out of the bathroom with a half-naked One-eyed King. He gasps, face wrinkling in terror.

"Kirishima…" He blinks a couple times, looking at her, placing the palm of his hand on his chest. "What… what are you doing there in the b — "

Touka gives him an annoyed expression. Things were started to get fun until this big ass idiot ruined everything.

"I'll let you guess," she sighs, turning around to get inside the bathroom again. "I'm going to take a shower."

She will _really_  need one now.

**—o—**

Several hours later, having now completely forgotten the incident in the bathroom, Touka returns to her cell with a cup of coffee and ready to resume the last chapter of one of the mangas she's been reading when she stops at the entrance, brows arching slightly at the sight of Kaneki…. sleeping? on her bed, shirtless, and with both arms around the pillow. Despite herself, Touka can't help but feel strangely surprised to see him there. Between the two, it was Touka the one who would visit his cell the most, and finding Kaneki here during _the day_ , in _her_  cell, when he had so many things to do, sent a straight shiver to her heart.

Maybe he did take her words a bit _way_  too seriously back in the bathroom that morning. However, it made her smile to know that no matter the situation, he always ended up listening to her, that he cared about her feelings and desires. What she said back then wasn't entirely a lie; she did miss him, and finding him there, lying so comfortably on her bed… she sighs with a smirk.

Touka walks towards him, placing her cup of coffee on top of the table and climbing up the bed until she's sitting on the back of his waist. Her lips lean down to playfully bite his shoulder and he groans.

"O-Ouch."

She giggles.

"What are you doing here?" her hands travel to his nape, curling her fingers in his skin.

"I was trying…" he gasps, shifting a little. "… to get a nap but it's pointless."

"On _my_  bed?"

The weight of her body on top of him prevents him from shifting around entirely.

"I wanted to see you too, why don't — _ah!_  S-Stop — " he groans a little when she bites his shoulder again.

Touka pulls away, smiling.

"Stay there, idiot, don't move. I'll rub your back."

Kaneki grimaces with his face pressed against the pillow.

"U-Uh, why — "

Touka slightly slaps his shoulder when he tries to turn around.

"I said don't move!"

"Okay, okay!"

He sighs, resting his cheek on the pillow as he feels her fingertips sliding through his spine, making him sigh even harder, and ask himself if he should close his eyes or keep them open, even if he can't see her.

But he can _feel_  her.

Kaneki already realizes that this whole I'll-rub-your-back thing is a terrible, _terrible_  idea. He not only can feel her hands squeezing his shoulder blades, tracing her fingertips over his old scars, his hidden beauty marks, murmuring something about how hard they feel and another bunch of stuff he can't quite process thanks to the feeling of her hips resting on his butt, slightly moving when her arms move, creating a friction that's making him shudder. She's obviously not doing that on purpose… or is she? He can tell, but with Touka is hard to know. She drags her fingers through his spine until she reaches his lower back.

"Did you know…" she says, casually, as her hands add pressure on his lumbar zone. "That ghouls can have erogenous zone's on their bodies?"

Kaneki feels himself growing painfully hard just by the commentary, and his body begs to rock his hips against the mattress, demanding some relief.

Yes.

_Yes._

He _knows._

"Y-Yeah," he tries to speak, swallowing hard. "W-We learned that in the C—A-Ah…"

He can't even finish when her hands rub down his spine.

"They're where the kakuhou is. So, you should be a little sensitive," her hands squeeze his lower back. "Here, right?"

Touka can't see it, but that dark spark that she saw hours ago in the morning is back. Kaneki decides to quickly turn around, holding her hips so she wouldn't back down, so she would stay _still_  and _feel_  him. Feel his clothed cock pressing against her crotch, feel his impatient hands pushing her down onto him, feeling _him_.

Kaneki's hands skim up the sides of her legs as she tries to play it off, even more when he travels through her waist until he reaches her back, fingers digging into her shoulder blade.

"And yours?" he whispers, looking at her in the eyes.

She smiles softly, shrugging indifferently as he rubs circles on her skin.

"I'm not really that sensitive there," she explains, looking triumphant.

Kaneki sighs, growing hotter, looking down as his hand passes down her belly and his fingers sink in between her legs, finding her clit above her underwear, the only clothing she's wearing there.

"Mhmm, yeah, you're just sensitive _here_ , aren't you?"

He places two fingers on each side of her clit to start stroking, quickly lifting up his gaze to meet her. She's not smiling anymore, she's not _playing_  anymore. She can't, no when he gets like this. Not when he _speaks_  like that, as he rarely ever does, that deep and husky voice he sometimes employs to speak as a _king_ and makes her feel jealous, jealous that she doesn't get to hear it solely for her, but this time is different.

He's using his _is that how you speak to a king_? voice, and his lips twitch into a smile when she slightly rocks her hips a little, and takes his hand to get it inside her panties, eager to feel him skin to skin. Kaneki bites his lip as his fingers stroke the slick flesh, warm and intoxicating, and the way she sighs when his other hand gropes her ass makes him shudder. Her nipples harden and raise under the fabric of _his_  shirt, and if it wasn't because his other hand was too busy…

Kaneki takes his hand away and bucks their clothed sexes together, making her close her eyes and rest the palm of her hands on his chest, searching for balance. Her panties feel heavy upon him, darker with her wetness.

Ah, she really missed this.

She rocks her hips in response, feeling his cock hit her center, and Touka's body is just as enthusiastic when Kaneki gets a firm grip of her hips and flips her over so he's on top of her, quickly shifting the roles. Touka gasps, looking a little surprised, but doesn't complain when his lips attack her and his hand goes down to her panties again, quickly slipping them down her legs.

She groans.

"K-Kaneki, don't," Touka's arms weakly fall on each side of her head, his tongue rapidly tracing a path on her stomach. Her eyes fall shut. "T-The manga…"

The sound of his voice against the skin of her belly makes her shiver.

"What about it?" he licks again.

The muscles of Kaneki's shoulders flex when he bends down to lick his way down her thighs.

"I was…" she can't even speak. "I was going to r-read but you — "

"Don't stop because of me," he suggests, the last flick of his tongue on her stomach catching her attention. She looks down at him and finds a mischievous smile on his lips. He stares back before going all the way down. "Read if you want to."

Was he crazy?

Touka swallows hard when he kisses her thighs, and grabs her legs to spread them wide open, one of them resting on top his shoulder.

"B-But — "

"You were complaining about not getting enough attention this week," he whispers against he clit, the heat of his voice forcing her to gasp loudly. "So let the _king_  take care of his _queen_  for a little."

Oh god.

Did he… did he actually said…

Touka moans from both embarrassment and pleasure as Kaneki encloses his mouth around her entire cunt and her hands cover her burning face. She hums when he starts lapping hungrily, when he sucks at her clit and hoists her thighs over his shoulders, tongue going deeper, faster, hips moving at the rhythm of his mouth. He's so good at this, _so_  good, it _feels_  so good when his lips gently suck at her clit and two fingers easily enter inside of her, when he moans against her lips and she can feel his deep voice vibrating inside her body, reaching places she never thought possible. Her fingers grip at his hair, pulling roughly, lips moaning loudly.

"D-Do it faster, come on," she urges, looking down at him, the sounds his tongue delivers.

His thumb travels to her engorged clit and her expression betrays her, lips part and gasp a broken moan, her voice whispering a sound that barely resembles Kaneki's name. Tasting Touka like this always felt like the first time, the same scent, the same flavor, he already knows her moves, the way she writhes when he sucks at her clit, the way her hips undulate when he has his fingers inside of her and she wants him to pump faster, to go deeper.

"Keep rubbing," she whispers, moaning against the back of her hand. "There. Right there."

And he does. He does.

His fingers thrust in and out. His tongue abandons her core for a moment to ascend way to her stomach, reaching out his other hand to push her shirt up and run his tongue along the circumference of her nipple, taking a bud into his mouth and sucking softly as he adds a third finger inside of her, feeling her hands wrap around his neck now that she has him closer. Kaneki smiles against her lips when she tries to kiss him, her walls squeezing him deeper, scissoring his fingers to stretch her out even more and pressing his thumb hard on her clit, teasing.

He's always teasing.

Kaneki grows even _harder_  when he gets a slight sight of her body. The rosy shade of her hardened pebbles, the strands of hair splayed in all directions, the wetness of her cunt covering his entire hand… she's a mess; a beautiful, gasping, heartbreaking mess.

Touka comes in a moan that Kaneki has to suppress with his mouth because it's way too loud for this hour of the day, they wouldn't usually do it before midnight, way too anxious to be heard. He can't wait, though. Until tonight. He can wait until they're completely alone in this room so he can hear every single one of her whimpers, so he doesn't have to swallow them, to keep them locked inside her being. He wants to hear her, he always wants to hear her.

She comes so sweetly in his hand that she finds him moaning too. She's still whimpering against the back of her hand when he retrieves his, and leads his fingers to his mouth to lick them one by one, eyes not drifting away from a Touka that shudders, and gasps, and tries to recover all the things he's taken from her. He waits for her to gain her breath, killing some time by grasping her breast and sucking at the bud one more time before going up and fix her hair, kissing her on the lips.

"Is that enough for the _Queen?_ " he asks.

Touka smiles with her eyes closed, and blurts out a shaky and tired giggle.

"Yeah…"

He nods softly, trying to lift up her shirt to kiss her chest again.

"Good," he sucks on her skin. "Because I'm still not do — "

This time, she laughs harder.

"Oh, yes, you are, _Your Majesty,_ " the way she says it doesn't sound sensual anymore. She's now _mocking_ him. Her hand pushes his face to one side as she fixes her shirt, trying to sit up.

Kaneki has never looked so confused in his entire life.

"W-What — "

Touka looks at him. He's back into the _dork_  mode.

"You got what you wanted when you came here, now it's time for you to leave and do all the boring things you do when you're not around me," she explains, leaning towards the table to grab her manga. "See this? Gotta finish it today. My coffee is already cold because of you."

Kaneki blinks a couple times, eyes traveling from that stupid… horrible… cruel manga, and back to her. But there's cruelty in her eyes too.

_Maybe I'm gonna have to give you a small punishment, for ignoring me the entire week._

W-Wait…

Kaneki frowns, extremely disappointed.

"B-But — "

Touka gets up from the bed, pushing him all the way towards the exit.

"Go, go, the _Queen_  has a busy schedule too."

The devastated expression he gives her when she closes the curtain of the cell right in front of his face makes her heart flutter furiously.

She loves to torture him.

**—o—**

When midnight arrives, Kaneki realizes he won't be able to sleep at all.

He's still hard, he's still with his mind somewhere else, a place way too close to Touka's room. He didn't even have the chance to… to… he groans, turning to the other side of the bed, covering himself with some blankets and trying to put his mind at ease, but it's impossible. Maybe he deserved it? For not giving her what she wanted as _much_  as she wanted it? Well, it wasn't like he didn't want it too, but —

His inner conflicts prevent him from hearing the cell being open, and the steps that quickly increase their speed once he feels something heavy fall upon him, and he almost screams until _that_  fragrance hits him hard and the sight of Touka-chan trying to get on top of the bed send shivers down his spine. He blinks at her, way too shocked to even say anything at all.

"Hi," she whispers cheerfully, falling on his side and grabbing the blankets to find shelter.

She always looks so cute like this. Sneaking into his room at night like a child, hiding from the entire world, wearing his clothes—although, to be honest, he prefers her wearing _nothing_  at all—and smiling softly. Kaneki sighs, feeling a little too excited again.

"What are you — "

She hushes him with a kiss. He feels her leg enclosing his entire hip, trying to drag him closer to her body, and he's unable to resist. Touka smiles when she feels his hands grope her ass, making her laugh.

"Are you angry?"

He doesn't stop kissing her.

"I should be," he mutters.

Touka laughs again, trying to pull away so she can see his face.

"Sorry, but that manga needed to be finished."

Kaneki gasps, _now_  he's angry.

"Touka-chan, seriously, I can't believe you're reading that."

Touka giggles, touching his angry face. He looks so cute.

"Why? It's really good."

"It's… god, it's not, okay?" he complains. "Pupa is not good, how can you even like that."

"How can you say that? You haven't even read it."

"I don't need to read it to know it's bad literature."

Touka rolls her eyes.

"It's a very educational manga, I'm learning great stuff," she explains.

Kaneki frowns.

"Oh, really? Like what?"

In the middle of the dark, Kaneki sees _that_  spark in her eyes too. She smiles, and leans closer to him until she's biting his jaw.

"To eat better," she whispers, and then her mouth travels to his lips, taking his lower one into her teeth. "Do you want me to eat you?"

Touka doesn't know where bolder Kaneki has gone right now, but his cheeks dye in a deep, crimson red.

"T-Touka-chan!"

She smiles.

"I'll spend the night here if you do something for me first," she announces.

Touka can tell that he's nervous. She hasn't even told him yet, and he's already nervous.

Kaneki swallows, staring at her face in the dark.

"U-Uh, what is it…"

After a pause, Touka leans softly until her lips caress his ear.

Slowly, she whispers.

"Talk dirty to me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mostly an introduction to what's going to happen in the next one. Sorry for the wait & enjoy! :)


	4. Myotahapea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you have fun reading this chapter because i struggled like never before, i’m still unsure about it? part of me has no idea of what the hell i’ve written, i’ll probably like it more after reading it a couple times. I’ll be focusing a little more on YNM from now on so i’m not sure when i’ll be updating a new tolfs chapter, hence the big amount of words lmao, i think this is the longest tolfs chapter so far.
> 
> anyway, enjoy the reading

 

* * *

 

 

"What did you look like when you were little?"

Breathless, Kaneki looks at the hand that traces the shape of his chin, feeling every peak, every dip, every cranny. Her shaky fingertips feel the imperfection underneath them as she waits for an answer, naked and wrapped in sheets beside him. Kaneki can't think of a better view, a better sight than the way that Touka looks in the mornings after a night that was breathless as he is now. He wishes he could see her better, with a window behind them that could enlighten her swollen eyes and wash the curve of her naked shoulders in pure gold, but even those things feel like a luxury here in the underground.

But one day…

Yeah, one day.

However, none of those things prevent him from learning her looks in the mornings. Her short hair that increases its volume, or the soft redness at the corners of her lips, or the way she delivers a lazy smile as her feet swing in the air, half of her face buried in the pillow. She always sits at the edge of the bed after waking up, running her fingers through her messy hair and shaking it softly; then, she lifts up her arms, stretching them real high. Her neck follows, rotating it softly and when she stops, she delivers a long and deep yawn before walking out of bed ready to start her day. They haven't been doing this for that long and yet Kaneki feels as if he knows almost everything there is to know about the way they connect.

But even still, she likes to make questions.

"Have you always had these freckles?" his skin prickles where she touches him, sliding her fingers through his pointy noise, attentive at the smallest details.

He shakes his head softly.

"Not really. I got them after staying under the sun one day."

She purses her lips.

"Really?"

"I was reading, and fell asleep outside. When I woke up, my face was all red and swollen, my mom got really mad, and days later I looked into the mirror and they were there."

Kaneki watches her lids as she blinks, parting her lips for a moment, counting the marks on his face.

"I like them," she whispers.

He tugs her closer to him, his broken cot—or trampoline, as she calls it—way too thick and small for both to fit properly, but he can't complain when it's the perfect excuse to hold her like this.

"Did you grow early?" he asks this time. It's his turn now.

Touka frowns, smiling.

"Did I grow early?" then she chuckles, resting her head on his arm. "Yeah, I was tall until I wasn't."

"My head was too big when I was little, it looked weird compared to the rest of my body," Kaneki explains, and despite her insisting questions, she finds it surprising that he's so willing to talk about himself like this, his past self. Their voices are quiet, and sometimes she feels the need to look at his lips to decipher what he's saying. "I think it was because I had a lot of hair."

Touka's gaze flicks up to his hair, raising a hand to brush it back. He _still_  has a lot of hair. She nods, acknowledging the idea.

He keeps his eyes on her, sliding the pad of his finger on her lower lip, feeling the hairs of his body jolt with her mere presence. He never knows what's lurking outside, what's going to happen once he walks out of this room but here, with her… he knows he's safe, he knows there's nothing to fear. He almost feels the reckless and childish impulse to walk away completely, take her with him and run towards a place where nobody could find them, where they could stay like this, sharing secrets between whispers and wrapped in the warmth of their bodies.

Is this what love really feels like?

"I never thought…" he says, and he adverts her eyes on him. Kaneki keeps caressing her lips, parted for him. "That this… that it could feel like this. Being with you, I mean."

Touka gives a wry smile, sliding the palm of her hand down his chest, feeling the taut muscles and the warmth of it.

"Is it that bad?"

He blinks in confusion, softly shaking his head.

"N-No, it's — "

"I wish I could have met you before," her voice is warm when she disrupts him, carrying a tint of sadness. Her hand smoothes his forehead, getting herself comfortable to get a better view of him. "Before you came to Anteiku."

Kaneki grimaces, holding his laughter.

"I don't think you would have liked me back then," he says, and giggles at the thought of something. "I didn't like you before either."

Touka's brows twitch slightly.

"Thanks."

He chuckles again, making the bed tremble.

"S-Sorry, it's just… you were scary," he admits. "You would have probably tried to eat me just like everyone else."

She makes a pause, reconsidering his words, guiding her eyes all over his arm.

What she says next leaves him breathless.

"Would you want me to eat you?"

Kaneki blinks a couple times, trying to clear up his mind, trying to decipher if what he actually heard is _actually_  correct. The tone of her voice… it doesn't seem to match the intensity of her words, she's talking like she's asking for the hour, for the weather report even if they haven't seen the sun in long weeks. Like she's offering him a simple cup of coffee, and for a moment Kaneki believes there must be something wrong with his ears, or his way of perceiving things around him.

"What?" he says.

Touka sighs, expression unbothered.

"I said…" she starts, slowly.

With an eagerness he rarely ever owns in the mornings, unlike her, Touka crawls on top of him, the pressure of her hot, naked body against his chest makes him blurt out a shaky sigh. Her hands are on his hair, supporting her weight on her elbows when she leans over, just slightly, to press a kiss on his mouth.

"Would you want me…" her voice continues, delivering a soft peck on the lips. "To eat you?"

Kaneki stays quiet, realizing that there's nothing wrong with his ears, he heard her absolutely right.

"H-Huh?"

"That doesn't have to change now," she continues, taking his lower lip in a gentle bite. "I still want to eat you."

He's already sweating.

He really, _really_ doesn't know what to do when she gets like this.

"Oh," he simply says, swallowing real hard. "R-Really…"

Touka nods, brushing their lips together.

"Would you want me to eat you?"

Kaneki blurts out a shaky laugh, feeling her lips nipping at his jaw.

"A-Ah, well… " he closes his eyes for a moment, the touch of her breasts on his chest turning his hands into fists. "T-That depends…"

"Of what?" she asks, leading her lips to his neck, the hot flat of her tongue pressed against his skin making him forget how to breathe properly.

"I-I… I mean — " he coughs, closing his eyes for a moment, unable to think straight. "L-Like — a-actually… _actually_  eating me or just — "

He was such an idiot.

Touka sighs, coming back to his lips and feeling his arms finally responding to her touch. He embraces her back, pulling her closer.

"Just what?" she encourages him, desperately trying to make him say it.

Last night, when she sneaked into his room after making him wait all day for what he truly wanted, she expressed her true desires to him. _Talk dirty to me_ , she said, however, the last thing his lips muttered were the things she actually wanted to hear.

"Come on!" she told him, losing her patience. "Just say something already!"

He hesitated, parting his lips, searching for his words, and just when she thinks he's about to say something, he bits back a sigh.

"What do you want me to say?"

And that was it.

If it wasn't because Touka's desire was too intense to leave the room that night, she would have definitely walked away. She could see how much he was holding back, how the same darkness that she saw yesterday in the bathroom begged to emerge once more, but too insecure to take possession of his actions. He would have his moments, moments where something inside of him would awake and he wouldn't hold back, it happened a few times before but it was hard to make him do it consciously. It would usually happen unexpectedly, taking her by surprise, maybe provoked by something she had done without even thinking.

Maybe she just needed to provoke that same reaction again.

Kaneki offers no answer, so she lets her body do the work. She kisses him hard enough to make him respond with eagerness, wandering the palm of his hands all over her body, unable to stay still, unable to decide which place to touch. His breathing becomes erratic, his hands encourage the movements of her hips when she starts grinding them against his bare crotch. His mouth opens widely to take hers, and she's still amazed by how easy it is for him to be open with his touch but deprived with his words. It almost seems as if his hands don't have a problem expressing his desires, unlike his mouth.

"K-Kaneki…"

He doesn't answer, sliding his lips all over her jaw to kiss her neck, but he clearly heard her.

She leans to his ear, feeling his tongue on her neck, his hands on her ass.

"Fuck me again."

He almost chokes a little, she can feel it by the way his hands twitch, suddenly disoriented by her words, but rapidly leading the movements of his body as he flips her over on her back, a _little_ too roughly, and that alone turns her on even more. However, he doesn't reply.

Kaneki slowly pins one of her hands on the mattress, above her head, and her lips reach out to him with evident hunger. He kisses her just as enthusiastically.

"I want you to fuck me with your huge dick," she breathes against his lips, and pulls away when he _actually_  chokes this time, blurting out a nervous laugh as his face almost matches the color of his scaly hands.

"T-Touka-chan — "

She stops kissing him.

"What?" she complains, starting to get a little too impatient.

He blinks way too fast, dramatically trying to not gaze down at her breasts.

"I m-mean… we don't… w-we don't have to _actually_  say those th— "

Touka lifts up her hand and grabs his jaw, forcing him to look at her straight in the eye.

"Say it."

Kaneki hesitates.

"W-What — "

"Say that you want to fuck me with your huge di—"

He doesn't even let her finish her sentence, placing the palm of his hand on her mouth.

"Y-You don't have to put it like that…"

She takes off his hand, irritated.

"Why not?"

"It's…" he stops, making a weird face.

"It's _what_."

He swallows.

"It's… it's a bit… uh, a bit… gross…"

Touka looks at him for long seconds, serious and still as a statue. Was he joking?

"We're not baking a cake, we're having sex. Sex is supposed to be gross, genius."

"B-But — "

"What happened with your _uh, is that how you speak to a king_?" she complains, imitating his deep husky voice.

Kaneki scratches his back with a sheepish smile.

"A-Ah, uh, that was — "

"How did that thing happen? Is there a switch anywhere that I need to turn on?" she asks, roaming her hands through all of his body, trying to find an imaginary switch.

Kaneki squirms, laughing and trying to stop the ticklish touch of her fingers.

"A-Ah, s-stop… T-Touka-chan…"

However, she's not laughing. She almost wants to, though, but decides to retreat. Kaneki ends up on his back, with his face and ears red as cherries and trying to cover his body with a blanket, a shield to protect himself from her hands. His expression changes when he sees her taking a seat on the bed, pulling away from him and searching for her clothes on the floor.

"Uh…" he swallows, confused. "Where are you go—"

"Your five-year-old laughter completely turned me off," she simply replies, getting dressed in his wide sweatshirt.

Kaneki blinks, sitting on the bed, a little too alarmed.

"But — "

"I won't talk to you until you say it," she quickly puts on her underwear and shorts, searching for her shoes.

"Wha — "

"That you want to fuck me again with your monstrous dick," she explains, slightly turning around to face him. "Or whatever you want to say, I don't care. "

"Um…" he hesitates. "H-Huge…"

She frowns, not following.

"Huh?"

"B-Before… you said, uh, _huge_ , not… um, monstrous."

Touka blinks, silent for a couple seconds and holding his gaze.

_Seriously?_

Without adding anything else, Touka turns around to walk out of the bed and leave, hearing Kaneki's shaky voice calling out her name one more time.

That idiot would have to do _way_  more than that if he wanted her to stay.

**—o—**

The day follows tortuously, and Kaneki feels dangerously close to suffering a mental—and physical—breakdown.

Throughout the day, his responsibilities had been strangely reduced to almost zero. A few things or two that he needed to figure out here and there, some info that he needed to discuss with Banjou and Tsukiyama… and that was it. That's all the work he had in a day. It felt like a divine miracle, to be honest, since days like these rarely ever happened after moving out to the 24th Ward. He could say that it was his _free_  day, and all that he was doing was being ignored by Touka-chan.

It was depressing, it really was. He longed to have days like these so he could waste them solely on themselves, even if they didn't have to share a conversation, or touch each other, or kiss each other… sometimes, words and actions were not needed. Sometimes, all he wanted to do was to read a book, lie his head on her legs and forget about everything else just for a few hours; but Touka didn't seem to have the same plans.

He tried to approach her in different occasions, like when he saw her coming out of the bathroom after a brisk shower, or when she wandered all around the place asking everyone for her brother; Kaneki smiled at her, arching his brows, blurting out a cheerful "do you want me to help you find him?" that she rapidly answered with a bored "no, thanks, I'll find him myself."

It was starting to get annoying.

The next time he tries to get her attention, she's in the kitchen, lying on the counter and making herself a warm cup of coffee.

He walked silently, grabbing another cup from the nearest shelve.

"Touka," he says, making a pause. She's not looking at him. "Are you going to ignore me all day?"

She offers no answer, deaf to his words. She doesn't even flick up her gaze to look at him, completely ignoring his presence by her side. Her hand stirs the coffee with elegance, and almost with a tint of boredom. Kaneki looks at her, slowly starting to lose his patience, waiting to be acknowledged but not getting that attention at all.

"Touka-chan," he repeats.

"Say it."

He gasps, swallowing hard.

"T-Tou—"

She pours the hot water into her cup.

"I won't talk to you until you say it."

"Say _what_?"

Nishiki's voice forces Kaneki to look up at the door, slightly taking a few steps away from her. As Nishiki enters the kitchen, also with the intention of getting himself a coffee, Kaneki's lips already part to give his answer, but Touka's voice disrupts his good intentions of distracting Nishiki from their uncomfortable conversation.

There's a slight tint of desperation lingering in her eyes when she looks at him, almost as if she's seeking for his help.

"I want him to say that he wants to fu—"

Nishiki's shoulders jolt at the way Kaneki approaches her, desperately lifting up his hand to cover her mouth and shut her words. He's looking down at her, feeling soft drops of sweat caressing his forehead as his eyes plead to her _silence, silence_  and Nishiki looks at them like the weirdos they are.

"Huh?" he grabs a mug from the counter. "What—"

"N-Nothing!" Kaneki smiles, laughing nervously. He slowly takes his hand away from Touka's mouth, evaluating her reaction. "It's nothing."

Touka doesn't look pleased. She frowns, ready to talk again, but Kaneki is faster this time.

"T-Touka-chan," he takes the cup out of her hands, placing it on the counter and grabbing her arm to drag her a little closer to the door, already hearing her complaints. "Why don't you, uh, go and read a book to the kids or something?"

She sighs, disgusted.

"Why do you always send me with those brats when you want to get rid of me?"

He gives a nervous chuckle, stroking her hair a few times like a good puppy.

"I'm not," he says, pushing her towards the door. He _clearly_ does. "I just think you might also need a bit of fresh air…"

She frowns, being slightly pushed by Kaneki's arms.

"There's no air in the ward… a-ah, idiot, stop!" she complains, terribly offended when he kicks her out of the kitchen and firmly shuts the door.

He sighs, watching as she leaves with hesitation, rubbing her arm, and he breathes again. He finally, _finally_  breathes.

Wow.

That was hard.

He comes back to the kitchen, deciding to grab Touka's cup instead of making his own, and Nishiki's inquisitive eyes examine his troubled expression.

"What was that?"

"Nothing," Kaneki replies, avoiding his gaze.

He hears a sigh, and stares at the way Nishiki pours tiny red cubes into his coffee.

"You know," he says, making a pause. "Whatever's the shit she's trying to make you say… just say it already."

Kaneki tenses, swallowing hard. Does he… does he know that—

"H-Huh?"

Nishiki takes a sip, licking his lips afterwards.

"I know women, okay? And she won't stop until you say it, believe me, you don't want to push this too far, you know how she gets when she's pissed," he looks at him, and Kaneki adverts in his eyes something that looks like compassion. Nishiki lifts up his hand to gently tousle his hair, like a kid. "Trust me, I have more experience than you."

Offering a smirk, Nishiki grabs his cup and leaves him alone in the kitchen.

**—o—**

Kaneki never thought that he would spend the next few hours running away from Tsukiyama.

It happened too fast. Finding him there, alone, gazing at an open book with a bored expression… it seemed to be the perfect moment to steal off a bit of his free time, and those moments were nothing but a nightmare. Kaneki ran away as  fast as he could, putting up groggily excuses when Tsukiyama approached with a bag and the proposal of creating a new battle suit for him.

_Not again…_

Kaneki started to run when Tsukiyama attempted to kidnap him for the third time, hearing his voice calling out for him in the distance and increasing the speed of his body. He stops his escape when he almost thinks that he's lost him, hiding behind a wall to take a breath and stopping when he spots Touka in there, leaning against the wall with a book in her hands, Yomo and Hinami only a few steps away, doing something Kaneki didn't even pay attention to.

Touka looks up, adverting his presence. She didn't seem to look upset anymore.

"H-Hi," he breathes, awkwardly.

She frowns, closing the book.

"Hi?" it's her response. She hesitates. "What are you doing?"

Kaneki looks behind him, sighing, and leans against the wall beside her.

"I'm hiding from Tsukiyama."

"Why?"

"He's trying to make me wear a battle sui—"

"MY KING!"

His body jolts when his voice echoes in the deepest parts of the tunnels. Kaneki blurts out a shaky _"fuck"_ that prompts out a laugh from her, he _never_  swears like that, and for an instant she seems to completely forget the few incidents that bothered her throughout the day. He's looking way too cute to keep gaining her indifference, and she keeps laughing when Tsukiyama's voice becomes more present in the room, approaching slowly from afar, and Kaneki gasps as he hides behind the wall, trying to think about something to get rid of him.

"KANEKI-KUN!" Tsukiyama repeats, and Kaneki can already see him coming from the other hallway. "Please, I'm sure the outfit will fit! It won't take me more than two hours!"

 _Two_  hours?

Kaneki looks around, desperate, and grabs Touka's hand in a hurry, running towards the opposite tunnel and taking her with him. Yomo smirks, watching them run together, hearing Touka scream a loud "Shittyama! Kaneki is here!" that makes him chuckle. When Tsukiyama finally arrives, Touka and Kaneki are long gone now, and his attempts to follow them are stopped by Yomo's gentle sigh.

"Leave them," he says, patiently.

"B-But—!"

"Let them be young for one day."

Kaneki makes sure to keep running until the sound of their hearts beating is the only thing they can hear. They're far too deep in the tunnels now, and although Kaneki has been in this zone before, it isn't a place he or anyone else usually decides to visit, but he decides to stay, and Touka stops when he does, letting go of his hand and trying to catch her breath.

"You're crazy," she gasps, fixing her hair and looking behind her, finding nothing but darkness.

"Sorry," he replies, but the tone of his voice doesn't show the slightest regret.

Touka looks around, scratching the back of her neck.

"Well," she gives one step. "What now?"

Kaneki decides to look around too, shrugging softly.

"I don't know," he looks at her, inquisitive. "Wanna go for a walk?"

He was trying so hard to keep her close for a little longer. Touka nods, hiding a grin when she starts walking.

"Sure."

Then, he follows.

They walk in silence for a while, keeping a short distance from each other. She holds the book against her tummy, he keeps his hands on his pockets, gazing at her sideways from time to time, checking her expression, her mood, if she's comfortable or not, bored or upset, cheerful or just very tired. He keeps watching her for a long while until Touka adverts his creepy eyes on her body, gaining a strange feeling of curiosity. She's still not used to the way he looks at her.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asks.

Kaneki doesn't look troubled about it, not even ashamed. He delivers a tender smirk, gazing her from head to toe one last time before falling on her eyes.

"The way you're dressed," he explains, carefully. "It looks like the way you used to dress for school. It's nostalgic."

Touka blinks, surprised by his answer, maybe expecting something completely perverted instead. It wouldn't be the first time. She looks at her clothes, realizing he's right. The plain white shirt and dark skirt she's wearing pretty much resemble her old school uniform back in the days, and the book in her hand seems to enhance the look a lot more. For a moment, she feels nostalgic too.

"Oh," she agrees. "Yeah, I guess."

"What were you reading?" Kaneki asks, chin slightly pointing out the closed book in her hands.

Touka gazes down at the book, lifting it up a little.

"You mean this?" she says, looking at him. "It's an erotic book."

Kaneki swallows _hard_ , gazing at the book and then at her. An… erotic book? He coughs a little, nodding.

"O-Oh."

Touka continues, mood changing slightly.

"Yeah," she says, almost proud. "Hinami found it, actually, but I snatched it before she could even read the first page. This is not appropriate for kids."

Kaneki nods, raising his brows as he blurts out the heaviest sigh he's ever released.

"Y-Yeah," he agrees, almost horrified by the idea of Hinami-chan reading… something like that. The tension on his shoulders unwind slowly, relieved that Touka-chan seemed to share his same absurd worries at the thought of Hinami reading a book like that.

Touka nods.

"Yup. It has a lot of explicit descriptions. Wanna see?"

She's already opening the book when Kaneki's lips part to stop her, lifting up his hands in a sign of peace.

"T-There's no need to — "

But Touka is already looking for the page, disrupting him with her raspy voice as she reads out loud.

"Oh, Yoshirou," her voice changes its pitch, desperately trying to interpret the excitement of the character. "Fill me up, _please_ , I've been waiting for this all day. I'm so wet, please, come inside, fill me up with your hot, thick —"

He's going to die.

He tries to approach, somehow trying to snatch the book out of her hands, but she laughs, turning around and giving him her back as she continues to read, louder this time, dodging Kaneki's hands.

"T-Touk—"

"His red, swollen cock twitched as he gra—"

"Tou—"

She dodges again, reading faster when he clasps his arms around her from behind and gets a firm grip on the book, pulling out of it roughly, but Touka's hands were strong too.

"… grabbed it to come on Hitomi's face, her mouth opened widely to swallow every last drop, Yoshirou's hand traveled south to feel the warmth of her cunt, it was deep, warm, and very wet. His fingers were all but sucked ins— "

Touka gasps out a laugh when Kaneki manages to get the book back, and she doesn't even try to retrieve it. She keeps laughing, as she rarely ever does, and for a moment Kaneki forgets about his own stupid embarrassment. She looks so beautiful, laughing like this, laughing for something he did, no matter how stupid it was, she never used to laugh so openly around others, but she did laugh pretty often with _him_. Him.

"Why the hell are you blushing so much," she chuckles, unable to talk properly.

Kaneki looks away, closing the book.

"I'm not blushing," he looks at her, unsure. "Why are you even reading this? I thought you didn't like reading."

Touka smiles, resuming their walk.

"I don't like the stupid books _you_ read, but I do like books like that one. They're very educational."

He swallows, and something starts to burn, right inside his pants.

"Have you ever… read books like these before? I mean, before we — "

Now, it seems to be Touka's turn to blush furiously. He can't help but smile, giggling softly at her expression. How is that she can be a teasing demon and turn into a blushing mess in just a matter of seconds? How is that both can change their roles so quickly? Kaneki completely forgets about his own shame. Shame? What is that? Seeing Touka's flushed cheeks always manages to awake something deep inside of him.

"Not… really…" she stammers in her reply, not looking at him.

"Why not?"

She hesitates to answer.

"I don't know," she's playing with her hands. "I didn't find it necessary, back then."

Kaneki looks away, awkwardly smiling at his feet. The fact that she just started reading those books after being with him… _because_  of him.

They keep walking in silence after that, and Touka quickly decides to close the space between them. She draws him near her, wrapping her arm around his bicep and softly resting her cheek on his shoulder, taking him by surprise. Touka would always mock him for being way too mushy, but Kaneki wondered if she was aware of how soppy and clingy she could be sometimes, especially when they were alone. He welcomes the gesture by grabbing her hand, playing with it.

He strokes her fingers, gazing at her nails.

"Stop biting your nails."

She grimaces, clearly disagreeing.

"I don't bite my na… oh."

They stop when a door raises up in front of them, revealing a room poorly illuminated by some old light balls. Touka blinks, curious.

"What's in there?"

"Oh," Kaneki releases her hand, giving one step further. "It's the room where we keep some of the stuff we've found. We… really don't know what to do with them, so Nishiki-senpai suggested to keep them in here for now."

Touka enters the room, looking around. The place was filled with an absurd amount of things. Old clothes piled up in a corner, broken couches and chairs, two bicycles, a broken TV, boxes everywhere, some mirrors, books, shoes, old belongings from the ghouls who used to live in here. They both walk around the place, getting easily distracted. The room was quite large, and Touka finds herself sneaking into the boxes to see what's inside, maybe hoping to find something that she could keep. She bends over when she spots an old steal coin toy lying on the floor. _Magic fingers,_  it was called. If you added a coin, a creepy finger would come out from inside the box and poke your hand. It was cute.

"Do you have a coin?" she asks, holding the box and trying to see if it worked.

Kaneki was searching something in a bookshelf, behind her.

"Uh, I don't think so," he replies. "What for?"

She sighs, disappointed.

"For the Magic Fingers."

Touka hears him blurt out an amused gasp, way too ephemeral to be even considered a proper laughter.

"My magic fingers aren't enough?"

Oh.

_Oh._

Touka huffs, terribly startled by the playful tone of his voice, the _word_  he just said. She turns around, gazing at him, but Kaneki keeps searching for books on the shelf, ignoring her. What the hell. Her cheeks burn brightly and deeply, why did he always have to see the double meaning to _everything_ , but completely refuse to say forthright words that she knew he was definitely thinking? He was such a weird guy.

She decides not to answer, the pad of her fingers softly stroking her burning cheeks as she gets up from the floor and keeps wandering around, peeking inside a box and raising her brows when she finds a dingy blonde wig. Touka holds it in her hands, shaking it gently against her legs and leaving a curtain of dust hovering in the air. She puts on the wig with no effort, and checks her reflection in a broken mirror behind her. It looks like shit, and it's definitely not made of real hair, but she chuckles anyway, gaining Kaneki's attention.

She turns around to face him.

"How do I look?"

He looks slightly surprised.

"Oh," he says, lips twitching in a gentle smile. "It's cute. You look like Sasako."

Touka blinks, brows arching with innocent curiosity.

"Who's Sasako?"

Kaneki blinks too, faster this time, as his lips tense in a thin line. His eyes wander around with impatience, as if he was looking out for something. He blurts out a gasp, the nervous type, and scratches the back of his head.

"N-No one," he quickly turns around, walking away from the bookshelf and trying to open a closed box, keeping his hands occupied.

Touka takes off the wig, leaving it on the couch as she approaches, confused.

"Wait, who's Sasako?" she asks again, gaining a shaky laugh from Kaneki.

"No one," he repeats, offering a kind smile, trying to open the flaps. "J-Just… um, someone from the CCG. Oh, this box looks promising."

Touka gets easily distracted from her question when Kaneki manages to open the box and blurts out a shaky "oh" when the content is revealed. Magazines. Tons and tons of _porn_ magazines, all piled up one over the other. She laughs, finding it ridiculous, and walks away. The ghouls who used to live here must've been very bored.

"You can keep those," she mocks.

Kaneki closes the box almost immediately.

"W-Wha—no… it's…"

He keeps talking, something about not being _actually_  necessary, her name is mentioned a couple times, but Touka doesn't listen. She keeps walking around the room, thinking about coming back since there was clearly nothing left to do anymore in here, until she spots two boxes slightly opened and hidden behind a chair, right against the wall. She approaches, moving the chair and peeking inside, and what she finds there is something she definitely wasn't expecting to see.

Blood wine.

Two boxes of nothing but bottles of blood wine.

_Bingo._

"Hey, loser," she calls out, taking a bottle in her hands. "Look at this."

Kaneki disrupts his speech, coming closer, and squints his eyes at what she's holding in her hands.

"What… what is that?" he asks, confused, resting the palm of his hands against his knees.

She smiles, showing him the bottle.

"Blood wine."

Blood wine?

"Oh…"

"Yeah, these two boxes are full," she says, checking the other one. "When was the last time you ever tried this?"

Kaneki stammers, unsure.

"Blood wine? Uh… I don't know. Many years ago, back at Itori's bar, I think."

Touka opens the bottle, smelling the rim.

"And how strong is your tolerance?"

Kaneki arches his brow when she takes a sip from the bottle, grimacing at the bitter taste.

"Are you — are you going to drink that?"

Touka hands him the bottle, sneaking into the box to grab another and open it, throwing the plastic lid to the ground. She shrugs.

"Why not?" Touka leads the rim to her lips again, taking a generous sip. Ah, so good. "I used to drink back at the shop sometimes after closing up. Yomo-san had a few bottles hidden, that sneaky bastard."

Kaneki looks at the bottle, taking a few steps back when Touka stands on her feet.

"Yomo-san?"

"Come on, let's go back," she starts walking towards the door, taking sip after sip, shameless as only she can be. "I bet you'll pass out before we even reach the headquarters."

She gets lost after crossing the door, happily drinking from her bottle as Kaneki stands in his place, holding his own. He sighs, grimacing, wondering if somehow this wine has expired… who knows how many years has been kept inside the Ward?

But… today was his _free_ day, right? And Touka was drinking, she knew what she was doing, she was way better at being a ghoul than him. And ghouls feed on rotten meat anyway, so drinking this… it would be fine, right?

Releasing a heavy sigh, Kaneki leads the rim to his mouth, taking the first sip.

**—o—**

He doesn't know how he's got so giggly.

But Touka thinks she does.

They arrive at her room after a walk that seems eternal, longer than what she had expected it to be, all because of Kaneki. He hadn't even finished his bottle completely, but the signs of his clear intolerance to alcohol were starting to show brightly. He was giggling over stupid things, throwing puns that made absolutely no sense, wrapping his arms around her and constantly repeating how much he hated the taste of blood wine, all of that as he kept on leading the rim to his mouth, insatiable.

Unlike him, Touka was still with both feet on the ground, but starting to feel a little clumsy and terribly sleepy. When they reached the headquarters and Touka asked about their next destination, Kaneki's response was so blatant as unexpected.

"Your cell," he simply replied. "Your bed is bigger."

And now, here they were.

Touka enters first, leaving the bottle on the floor and throwing her entire self onto the bed as if all her energy had just abandoned her body. She sighs, rubbing her eyes, catching glimpses of Kaneki putting up the curtain to cover the door, hiding the view inside the cell. Touka's lips twitch into a lazy smirk, couldn't he be more obvious? He approaches after leaving his bottle on the night table, his right knee reaching the mattress as he supports his weight with his right arm, putting good use to the left one by stroking the pad of his fingers on the skin of her legs, and up, to her stomach, and _up_ , to the buttons of her white shirt.

Touka stares at him with her arms on each side of her head, his white hair covering his eyes as he gazes down at her chest.

He undoes the buttons with one hand, exposing her chest, and leans down to press a kiss in between her breasts, and down, on her flat stomach, making it twitch.

"You're a huge pervert," she breathes, assuaged and drowsy, when his fingers skim up her thighs, taking the fabric of her skirt with him.

Kaneki smiles against her stomach. It's not the sheepish, flushed smile he gives to everyone else, even to her when the context of the scene doesn't have any sexual connotations. It's the _other_  kind of smile, one that isn't necessarily a consequence of the blood wine.

"Why?" he asks, the hoarse tone of his voice reverberating through her as he plants hot, open-mouthed kisses in her stomach, his hands sliding up her inner thighs to reach for her underwear. "Didn't you want your magic fingers?"

She sighs, biting her lower lip in frustration when he starts sliding her underwear down her legs.

"You don't _actually_  have to say those things, you know," she says, not wanting him to try too hard. "I was just messing around with y—"

Kaneki strokes her clit, gently at first as he checks for her reaction, and Touka forgets everything she was about to say. Her eyes fall shut in concentration, feeling Kaneki's hand on her knee, spreading her legs a little wider to accommodate his hand. He presses the palm against her clit, and doesn't wait to slip two fingers into her core, sliding easily. Touka brings her hand against her forehead, like if she was having a headache, and the mewl growing inside of her travels up her body, escaping through her throat and reaching out to him.

"You're so wet," he whispers with his lips pressed against her knee, looking down at her cunt. "And tight."

Touka holds back a chuckle, covering her mouth.

"You're so gross," she mocks, pretending to be disgusted by the unusualness of his comment.

Kaneki reshapes his fingers inside of her, adding a third, something that usually made her think that he was just a whole new level of weird. She'd never known anyone who would use… their fingers, like that. Kagune stimulation was the big deal among ghouls, but Kaneki always seemed to want to take things even further. His fingers become larger inside of her, thicker, pumping in and out, slowing down when her moans become erratic and speeding up when her hips try to fuck him too, slightly raising up from the mattress.

"Gross?" Kaneki asks, sliding the palm of his hand on her clit again, prompting out a shudder from her. "You're the one who's dripping right now, not me."

What a _jerk_.

She doesn't say a word, but Kaneki thinks he knows her quite enough to know she's frustrated. He curls his fingers inside her one more time, reveling in her contorting features, and retrieves his hand as slowly as he can just to make her hear the wetness in her core, taking his fingers to his mouth to deliver a long and generous lick. She tastes musky and salty, and Kaneki continues to lick his fingers whilst his other hand slowly gets rid of her skirt, throwing it to the ground.

"You've been ignoring me the entire day."

Touka rolls her eyes, still trying to remember how to breathe properly, even if he didn't fuck her long enough to make her come. Was that his punishment?

"You're a crybaby," it's her answer.

He keeps unbuttoning her white shirt, exposing the rest of her bra.

"You didn't miss me at all?" he complains, sliding the sleeve of her shirt down her arms.

Touka shakes her head, letting him undress her.

"I was too busy reading my erotic book," she jokes.

Her back arches slightly when his hands reach out for her bra, easily unclasping it just one motion. He was getting better at it. Kaneki throws that useless, annoying piece of garment to the ground and his mouth does not wait to run his tongue over the peaks, perked and rosy for him. He tugs at it and lets it snap back into place, sliding his tongue over it one more time before traveling way to her mouth.

"I can be better…" the heat of his tongue makes her gasp. "Than that stupid book."

Kaneki kisses her harshly, he always does. Gentleness never stays for more than a second before his tongue darts out slowly, before his mouth opens widely to take her lips in a passionate stroke, _that's_  the way he likes to kiss her, all or nothing, as it is the last time he ever will. She helps him get rid of his clothes, scribbling on his chest with the pad of her fingers and reaching down for his cock, pumping it until the slick sounds of her hand make him even wetter than how she was before. He moans against her mouth with his own wide open, taking her hand away to grasp the base of his cock and slide the head all over her slit, stopping on her clit for a moment.

Touka moans his name, throwing an arm over her face and breathing between her parted lips.

"K-Kaneki…"

He brushes the tip of his shaft along her folds one more time, dragging it back down at her entrance. She's dripping wet, and it's taking so much willpower to keep on talking, to gather the remaining glimpses of self-control just to keep on teasing her.

"Do you want me?"

Touka nods, desperate and hasty, bringing his face down to kiss him.

"Y-Yes," she gasps.

"Me."

"Yes, _you_..." she emphasizes, sliding her tongue on his lower lip. "Please, fuck me, f-fuck me…"

His mouth hangs open when he finally enters, pulling out slowly before thrusting his length back into her, keeping his eyes on her the whole time. Touka moans loudly, too loudly to be this early, but he doesn't care. Kaneki does it again, again, and again, watching her lids flutter furiously when her legs are raised in a position that helps him take control of his thrusts, pinning his hands at each side of her head and having a gorgeous look of her bouncy breasts; he bends down for a moment, tonguing at a bud and lifting up her hips so he can fuck her in the right way, hearing their lewd noises filling the cell, her voice begging him to fuck her harder.

"T-Touka-chan…" she's so tight, and warm, and wet. He almost feels the need to pull out for a moment, thinking he won't be able to last much longer but Kaneki holds her hips in his arm to keep her still, delivering a series of hard thrusts that makes it impossible for Touka to keep her eyes open. "I want… I…"

He's so breathless.

"What," she groans, locks of hair sticking to her lips as he moves, bringing her hand up to feel him, running her thumb over his parted lips. He's so lost. " _What_."

Kaneki delivers a needy moan, keeping his eyes closed as he moves faster this time.

"T-Touka…" she swipes his hair away from his forehead, sticky with sweat. "I w-want… ah… to finish t-together…"

She delivers a shaky chuckle, rapidly distracted by the intense wave of pleasure that hits her when Kaneki licks his thumb and rubs it on her clit, making her toes curl.

"Y-You’re… f-fuck…" Touka holds his hand, encouraging his fingers to rub harder at her swollen nub. "You're s-such a cliché… "

Touka gasps in surprise when Kaneki stops his thrusts, pulling out of her entirely to grip her hips and flip her over her tummy, flat against the mattress, and hands firmly lift up her ass to push himself back in with a thrust that makes him realize how damp she is, sucking his cock greedily. Kaneki kisses her shoulders with passion, feeling her hips buck against him, desperate to feel him.

"Is t-this oka—"

"Yes, _yes_ ," she reassures, moaning against the mattress. He's so deep, so _thick_  inside of her, her eyes water from the pleasure, shivering when Kaneki positions his mouth to breathe on her ear.

"S-So tight," he sobs against her, one hand at her back and the other fisting in her hair. "You feel so good…"

Touka grips the sheets around her.

"M-Make me come…"

He holds her chin from behind, pounding a little faster.

"You wanna come?" he asks, and she gasps, unable to answer.

Kaneki slides his tongue on the skin of her shoulder blades, slowing down the pace of his hips, prompting out a shaky moan from her.

"K-Kaneki—"

He leans against her ear, moving slowly.

"You want me to fuck you harder?"

She's going to die, and his name is the only word that follows when her whines prevent her from forming any coherent sentences. She keeps imploring, _please, please_ , and he hides his face in the curve of her neck when his hips start to pick up speed, gripping her hair harder, making her bed trembling, fingers reaching south to press three fingers on her clit, rubbing steady circles until she's so close he has to stop her.

"W-Wait…"

Touka groans, mouth pressed to the sheets as her voice keeps rising its pitch, knuckles turning white from the force of her grip around her, reaching out behind her to scratch his arm.

"A-Ah! K-Ka… K—"

"I'm c-close," he wraps his arm around her waist, going faster, deeper, and she comes with a shudder in the exact moment he grinds his fingers on her clit, the feeling of her cunt squeezing him to death is what makes him release almost immediately, thrusting one, two, five times more until he releases, deeply inside of her, and it seems as if it will never be enough.

They're both about to collapse, Kaneki's fingers keep rubbing circles on her as his hips keep thrusting lazily, feeling her body melting in his arms, becoming another part of him. His chest presses flat against her back when it's done, butterflies tugging inside her tummy as waves of pleasure still curse in the form of whimpers, she can feel Kaneki's breathing on her back, his forehead lying on her neck as he tries to retrieve the air that was lost.

After a moment, he pulls back, lying on his back with the musky scent of her impregnated all over his skin. Kaneki rubs his eyes, turning his head to face her. Her face buried in the pillow, hair sticking in all the right places, she looks completely defeated. He smiles, chuckling a little.

"Touka-chan."

No response. Was he too rough?

He squeezes her back, making her twitch in a funny way. Kaneki giggles again, grabbing the fluffy sheets to cover her shivering body, but not all of it. He makes sure to leave a generous part of her back uncovered.

"Touka…"

"I'm so tired," she complains, lazily turning around to be on her back and finally face him.

Kaneki sighs, head propped up on one hand and using the other to swipe her hair away from her face and lips.

"Sorry," he _apologizes_  but, the truth is, he's not sorry at all.

"I'm gonna have to make you drink more often," she jokes, closing her eyes for a moment.

They stay silent for a while, a time Kaneki spends by staring at her with her eyes closed. For an instant, he thinks she's already asleep, but she whispers his name and a sudden question he wasn't expecting, not now, at least.

"Kaneki."

"Hmm?"

"Ayato told me you are leaving in a few days. Outside."

He nods, slightly raising his brows.

"Yeah," he replies, reaching out a hand to stroke her hair. "We still haven't decided the day, but it might be next week. You want me to bring you stuff? Do you need more soap? Or shamp—"

Touka shakes her head, releasing a soft sigh.

"No, it's okay."

"I don't mind," he reassures, almost immediately. "Just… ask whatever you want. I'll get it for you."

She knows how hard it is to get basic stuff from the outside, however, when it comes to her, Kaneki makes it sound like it's not a big deal. Like he won't put his life in danger just to get her a bottle of shampoo.

"We'll leave for a few hours, though," he continues, looking down at her. "It will be quick. I'll come back for this mole right here."

He pokes her mole with his finger, right on her boob. Touka frowns, repressing a weird smile, staring at his finger.

"My mole?"

"Seriously, this mole," he explains, stroking it. "It's really cute."

Touka chuckles.

"And you're weird," she breathes, touching his hand.

The cell is prisoner of another haunting silence. Kaneki keeps stroking her mole, her fingers caress the redness of his hands, and it doesn't surprise her when Kaneki breaks the silence this time, too distracted by her beauty mark. He seemed like he was thinking about something.

"Touka-chan."

She flicks up her eyes to him, encouraging him to continue.

Kaneki makes a pause, staring at his hand.

"Are you afraid?"

Touka blinks, unsure of what to answer. What was he expecting her to say?

"Of what?"

He simply shrugs after a moment.

"I don't know," his voice comes as a hushed whisper. "Of everything, I guess."

Everything.

Touka wonders if she should be honest. Brutally honest. If she should say that _yes_ , she is afraid of everything. That the reason for why she asked him if he was leaving soon was a consequence of her fears, of nightmares she wasn't ready to share with anyone, especially with him. She parts her lips, dodging her answer as fast as she can.

She doesn't want to worry him. She doesn't want to be his bigger burden at all.

"Are you?" she asks instead.

Kaneki blinks, not being taken by surprise. He keeps his eyes focused on their hands, and he nods softly.

"I am."

Touka brushes his hair back, clearing out his face.

"What are you afraid of?"

He hesitates, thinking of the right words.

"Failing," he's finally looking at her in the eyes. He nods again, self-conscious. "I'm scared of failing, of not doing things right, not being able to protect everyone in here."

Touka smirks, but the grin doesn't reach her eyes.

"I'm gonna get the word _protect_  tattooed on your forehead someday, you'll see."

Kaneki smiles weekly when she traces the skin of his forehead with her fingertips, writing the imaginary words, but she knows he's being serious. His amusement disappears when she touches him, and hers does too.

"It's okay to be scared," she knows she's good with words, but part of her makes her believe that she'll never be enough for him, that no matter how much she tries, no matter how many lies she comes up with or how much honesty she employs in her words, they will never be enough for someone like him. "But don't let that drown you too much. "You're… good, with this. You're doing a good job, people listen to you, they trust you."

Their fingers are soft against each other, and silence after that lingers for what feels like an eternity.

"Do you trust me?" he turns his head to look at her. He's not smiling.

Touka swallows, preparing herself to nod with a huge amount of bitterness, but he is quick to continue.

"I only care if you trust me. I don't care… if I'm good enough or not, if others think I am. If you trus—"

"I trust you."

She doesn't trust the _world_ , the path that this one has chosen for him. But that isn't something she can say out loud. Not when he's looking at her like this, with a spark of renewed strength shimmering in his eyes. The future… it doesn't really matter, for she has never stopped herself to think about any future at all. For ghouls, a future was nothing but a fantasy.  

But, again, she can't say that out loud.

Touka sighs, closing her eyes and leaning against him, hoping that he will do the same. Close his eyes, fall into her arms, forget about their fears for a while, maybe for a few hours. They would have to wake up after that, and face them again, just as she's been doing all these years since the day she was born. As ghouls, all they have is _now_.

The future didn't matter.

 


End file.
